


Strong - [Roman centric / Prinxiety angst]

by AidanJail



Series: sugarglider9603 & galaxy-lillies's Spiderverse Sides AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Logicality - Freeform, M/M, Panic Attacks, Roman is angry and Virgil doesn't know what to do, Self-Hatred, Sugarglider9603, ask-spiderverse-virgil, galaxy-lillies, serious injuries mention, sugar & indie's spiderverse au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 04:43:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20401858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidanJail/pseuds/AidanJail
Summary: Anger and strength can be worrying, when you're a superhero...~~Okay, so, old fic again, written in the TS Spiderverse server back in January (12th I think), and then modified and edited afterwards. I then proceeded to forget where I had put the fic. I’m organised, I swear. Anyway. Based of a prompt by @not-cam-pad, as most of my Spiderverse fic, and as always, written for @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil‘s AU on Tumblr. Angst with a happy ending for Sugar.TW: angst, self loathing, anger, description of injuries, description of a panic attack, probably swearing (I can’t talk without swearing)





	Strong - [Roman centric / Prinxiety angst]

**Author's Note:**

> On January 12th 2019, Cam said in the Discord  
“Roman? Everyone thinks he’s afraid of failure. Maybe he’s afraid of succeeding.  
Maybe he’s afraid that one day he’ll go too far  
Because he’s always been reckless  
But maybe one day  
He’ll just do one thing worse.  
And break the one rule he can never break  
Roman’s always been known for pushing the limits physically  
He always goes a little too hard fighting the bad guys  
Because they’re bad, right? And  
He’s Good  
But the look Thomas gives him  
They way Patton edges around him after a hard fight  
Makes him wonder if maybe he’s going too hard  
And it just  
Hits him somewhere  
So he starts trying to hold back, pull his punches  
But then one of them gets too close to getting Virgil, or one of the others  
And he snaps  
And by the time they get him off the man  
He has to go to the hospital  
Over ten broken bones  
Concussion  
He’s nearly dead.”
> 
> To what I answered… A small fic.  
Angst, as usual.

Everyone looked at him after The Incident. They all stayed away, kept their distance. Virgil had been in danger, the villain had grabbed him and was going to hurt him, and Roman had just snapped. Roman could feel how they looked at him, how Patton flinched slightly whenever he moved too fast, how protective Logan was of Patton and Virgil, how he stared and studied each and every of Roman’s move, how Thomas looked at him with worry and sadness. And Virgil. Virgil was silent.

Roman didn’t see it, but Virgil tried talking to him, except Logan wouldn’t let him be alone with Roman. Roman didn’t see it, but Virgil didn’t talk to anybody else either. Roman didn’t hear it, but Virgil cried silently at night every night, in the kitchen, because he wasn’t allowed to sleep near Roman, and he couldn’t sleep without him. Virgil didn’t know what to do. And Roman stayed alone, went to train on his own, punching walls in to be destroyed buildings and places where nobody could see him.

Roman was angry, and it showed. Roman was angry, and his eyes were always furious, it was like he barely paid attention to anyone anymore. Roman was angry, and he didn’t notice Patton’s worried glances directed at him (not the others), nor Logan grabbing Virgil’s arms to prevent him from going to his boyfriend. And when the next enemy appeared, Roman took all his anger out on him, and none of the others dared to try and stop him. None except Virgil. He stepped in. He walked up to Roman and forced him to let go. Only then did the Spidergang push Roman away from the bad guy. Thomas and Logan lectured him afterwards, once they got home. Patton stayed silent. Virgil wanted to disappear. Roman left without listening to any of them. He was angry, Thomas and Logan were too, and nobody noticed Virgil walking out of the room in silence.

Roman didn’t came back. He was gone, Virgil didn’t talk, and Patton felt like everything was broken. Thomas and Logan were angry, but Thomas felt guilty, while Logan kept saying “it’s better this way, at least we’re safe.” Patton noticed Virgil leaving the house every so often, without warning anyone. Nobody but him noticed how little the young man slept anymore. Virgil searched the town, everywhere, to find Roman. When he did find him, he didn’t try to talk to him, didn’t say he was there. He watched Roman being angry, he watched him train on his own, he watched him destroy things. Virgil didn’t know what to do, he felt like he had lost Roman, and he felt guilty, so guilty, because he hadn’t managed to help him before, and didn’t deserve to talk to Roman anymore. And Roman was angry at the world, but mostly at himself, and he destroyed things and stayed on his own. Virgil was barely with the others anymore at this point. He knew it wasn’t good, that they were worried, but he watched Roman, because that was all he could do by then. He watched, and nobody asked where he went all the time, because that’s what they were now, a broken family.

Roman turned rogue. He felt like it didn’t matter anyway, and nobody was there to stop him. He turned bad, as in destruction bad. He didn’t attack people directly, but he attacked buildings, and if there were people in it, well, they should’ve gotten out before. Soon, the Spidergang had to fight him. And Patton saw Virgil’s world break when he learned the news of the imminent fight, but the young man didn’t look shocked. Virgil saw Roman breaking and he didn’t do anything, and he felt like he deserved his world breaking. Nobody else noticed. Thomas and Logan would fight, they were ready. Because they could see Roman as an enemy now, after all he had done. Of course, they were sad, they didn’t like it, but he was dangerous. Patton wasn’t sure. He was scared. Virgil didn’t look like he cared.

Before they knew it, there was already so much damage done. Patton made sure all civilians were safe, he couldn’t bring himself to fight Roman. Logan and Thomas weren’t in the best of shape, Roman was stronger. Virgil had dodged. He had stayed apart, and nobody had noticed. He had watched the destruction of the buildings around the fight, made sure nobody would get hurt by the things falling. But then, with Thomas and Logan hurt and Patton unable to fight Roman, he had to come in. Virgil walked up to Roman and fell on his knees. He wouldn’t fight him. Not Roman. He couldn’t fight him. So he took a deep breath. And he spoke. Because that was all he could do, because he would not hurt Roman. Not again.

“It’s my fault. I give up. You win. I won’t fight back, just get your victory.”

Roman froze. He hadn’t planned this. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to react. Logan and Thomas got up and were about to run to him, but Patton prevented them from doing so. “Virgil is a big boy, and if he doesn’t want to hurt Roman, then we won’t hurt Roman. We’re family.”

Virgil looked at Roman, and he shook his head. “I won’t fight back, I promise.”

And because Roman still didn’t move, Virgil kept speaking. He was crying, and you could hear it in his voice. “I need to pay for what I’ve done, I know I do, I won’t fight back.”

Roman could very well picture Virgil’s face behind the mask. He knew what Virgil looked like when he was crying, when his voice sounded like that. And Virgil was speaking again, to him, for the first time in forever. And Virgil was there, and Virgil was crying. And for the first time in months, Roman wasn’t angry anymore. He was sad, and desperate, and lost, and confused, and terrified, and he had done so many awful things, and Virgil was crying.

Virgil sobbed. Once. Twice. Roman fell on his knees. Virgil was slouching, on his knees, begging Roman to end this and make him pay for everything, because it was his fault (at least that’s what he said). He was shaking, violently. Roman wanted to reach out. He wanted to protect Virgil from the world, but Virgil didn’t need that, Virgil needed protection from Roman himself (at least that’s what he thought).

Thomas stayed silent, on the side. He could feel it, in his heart, that it was Roman, their Roman, not the ball of anger and hate they were previously fighting. Logan stopped trying to get to Virgil, because he could see Roman gave up. Patton cried, because he could see his friends hurting, so bad.

Virgil sobbed, and gasped for air, and cried, and he looked to Roman and saw him on his knees, shaking and crying too. And Roman’s hand, halfway through reaching to him but not quite there, as he stopped in the middle of reaching to Virgil. And Roman. Roman looking at Virgil through his tears, and unable to speak, or to move now, frozen, terrified.

“Roman…?”

Virgil’s voice was broken, and small, so small. It was the voice he had when he was having a panic attack. It was the voice he had when he was asking if the world hated him. All he said was Roman’s name, and yet it sounded like he was asking if the world hated him. The question was clear, it was “Please don’t hate me”, it was “Please don’t break me”, it was Virgil’s guilt, and terror, and Roman broke a little more, over and over. He would never forget that sound, the way Virgil said his name. Roman simply nodded, the smallest nod in the world, and he wasn’t sure if Virgil saw it, but he couldn’t do more than that. Virgil saw it. He took Roman’s hand, slowly. And Roman held it with both of his immediately, slouching over, shaking, crying, sobbing, mumbling apologies and begging for help and forgiveness.

Logan, Patton and Thomas slowly made their way toward Virgil and Roman. They were slow, didn’t want to startle any of them, but the two others were just shaking, and crying, and holding onto each other, and never letting go. Patton was the one who hugs them first, followed by Thomas, and finally Logan joined. Thomas helped them get up, Roman holding onto Virgil, and they looked like they would never let go of each other, ever. They didn’t want to let go. Ever.

When they got home, Roman sat on the couch, his head in his hands, not meeting anyone’s eyes. Virgil sat right next to him. Everyone was silent. Roman whispered a broken apology. Nobody spoke again for a while. Thomas decided they all needed to eat and rest, that they needed to talk but it could wait, because it had been hard for everyone. Patton threw Logan a warning look, but Logan didn’t even try to ask if Virgil and Roman were going to stay together. Obviously they would.

And there, laying together, next to each other, holding onto each other and tight, Roman apologised again. He couldn’t not apologies. He felt awful. Virgil stared at him and asked what for. Roman started listing, with how violent he got, how he left, how he hurt everyone. Virgil simply caressed his cheek softly and whispered he never felt safer than in his arms, and wasn’t ever afraid of him. Roman cried a little, and Virgil told him they’d get through this together.

After that, they talked. Together, then with the others. Roman wasn’t allowed on missions for a while, he didn’t care. He took care of them when they came back. He took care of Virgil, always. And when they went on a mission one day, and Thomas looked at Roman and smiled slightly, “Come on, get ready, we had some ass to kick”, Roman felt like they gave him the world. He thanked Virgil and Patton, because he knew they were the ones who convinced Thomas and Logan to let him come back.

And when Virgil told him he was watching him, all this time, when he was training, then Roman felt a little better. Because he wasn’t all alone. And when Virgil asked him to help him train, Roman agreed right away. And soon, Roman was helping everyone train. And that was how he took out his anger. By helping the others.

It wasn’t perfect, obviously. Sometimes Roman got angry. But Virgil could always reach out to him. And he always got better. They were all together in this.


End file.
